Tears on a train: How MCTD made me cry twice this week.

January 14, 2012

Tears x 1
3 mg is hard. As mentioned in my last blog I am weaning off my steroids and I was going ok with only a little increased pain, until one week into the decrease I woke with a heavy ache throughout my whole body, I could barely lift my arms, putting pants on was such an effort – (but I was pretty sure that was a necessity for work so pushed through.) By the time I got to my seat on the train and sunk back into it, I was death staring everyone around me, feeling so drained and emotional that I hated everyone.

“Why is that girl smiling? This guy next to me better not need to get off early and make me stand up. What a stupid hair do…why would she think that is ok? What are you frowning about, you have no idea why I’m frowning. SHUT UP! I HATE EVERYONE.”

Of course, I don’t like feeling like this, so angry and upset and knowing I have to go and face people at work that I like and handle the whole day – well, the tears started. I slipped my sunglasses on and hoped no-one would notice.

I was telling myself it was withdrawals from the drug and that it would pass but what I was really thinking was…this is too hard! And boy, did I feel sorry for myself. Yes I did post on Facebook to let people know…I didn’t want to feel so alone in the pain and sadness. I wanted support.

And so the tears fell.

Incredibly…the next day when I woke up, the pain had decreased immensely and my mood had lifted. I thought I might be over the hump. I almost, for a second, thought ‘Bring on 2 mg!’ but then I slapped myself and thought, I’ll give myself a few more weeks on 3mg before I cry on the train again.

However this was not the case.

Tears x 2
On the Friday morning I was on the train to work again and an email came through on my phone. It was from a girl about my age, Lisa, from Holland who I actually met through this blog. She also has MCTD and we work in similar jobs and have similar lives. Lisa had asked if I would mind her writing a blog post about how my blog inspired her (shucks!) and link to my blog. Of course I said yes…especially since she was going to write it in English so I could read it…as well as making it more accessible to English speakers around the world.

So I clicked on her blog and straight away the tears started flowing…from the first short sentence,

“It was your blog that won me over.”

Lisa’s blog post reads like a heart-felt letter from her to me. Of course, in this age of sharing online…I’m going to share the link with you.

I wish Lisa all the success with her blog and of course her MCTD. It’s comforting to know that on the other side of the globe…someone understands.

Read Lisa’s blog here

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3 Responses to “Tears on a train: How MCTD made me cry twice this week.”

  1. Sharon said

    Nomes, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again-“You are an amazingly strong person, an inspiration to all who know you(and obviously also to those who don’t have the privilege!). It is great that Lisa and you can share your experiences and feelings. Love you so much.

  2. Colin said

    Hey Nomsie,

    Reading you blog, I really wish (like a lot of others) that there was something more I could do other than just support you in spirit. Maybe dropping to 75% of your dose you could drop a little slower? I’m not talking about cutting a pill in half but maybe you could try 4mg weekdays (at least you would get through the travelling and work) and only 3 at weekends for a month or so?

    Chin up we are all hoping that something works out for you.

    Col & cats xxx

  3. Giraffe said

    Hi Naomi,

    You are doing well at 3mg. Perhaps alternative between 3mg and 2mg for a while before you drop down to 2mg altogether.

    Stay strong. Don’t give up and don’t give in.
    Giraffe xx

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